#1

I have been re-playing the brilliant Dark Messiah recently (I forgot just how good the game was, even after 9 years) and thought I would share a little tale... why? Duck knows, it's been too quiet around here of late. QUACK  

I have been "travelling" with a sexy succubus called Xana, who was fused with my soul for some time now. She speaks to my in my head, offering advice, witty comments, evil suggestions and flirts all the time. She had become my "guardian angel", of sorts, and has saved me from death countless times.

During my travels I met up with a woman called Leanna. She is the polar opposite of Xana. Leanna is a good intentioned, slightly innocent woman who was leading my expedition to find an artefact. She doesn't wear panties and has a VERY short skirt. Now, although Leanna was not aware of my fusing with Xana (as she cannot hear her), Xana hated her to bits. Jealous of my relationship with Leanna, Xana was constantly belittling her and basically wanted her dead.

At one point I died. Woops. Xana, being the awesome succu-bitch that she is, saved me from death. In the process of which she did some weird demon-y thing to me that made me part demon. I would like to point out that I had played the game as a good guy, with every intention of wiping out evil instead of saving it. Leanna noticed that I was "tainted" and didn't like it one bit, regardless of my good intentions. During a mission to a town she said that I should go and visit the church to be purged of this nasty-ness.

I found the church. As I approached, Xana complained about the "stench" and asked my why I would want to enter this place. I took a quick look inside. Xana didn't like it one bit. She started hurling tables around the place and begged for me not to do this, saying she would do anything for me. I turned around and walked out. She was relived and happy with my decision - and so was I - I couldn't go through the rest of the game without her, she was awesome.

I made my way to the Necropolis - where my final destination lies - to either lock my evil father away forever or join him to take over the world. Leanna popped up inside and was relived to see me. She had been battling Necros all over town. Se instantly noticed that I was still tainted and was not very impressed. She said I had betrayed her. Hang on a second, I thought, I was a good guy. I was coming here to banish my daddy and save the world - what bleeding difference does it make if I have some sort of sexy succubus side-kick rattling off one-liners and sweet nothings in my head? She attacked me. WTF!!!!??? I have spent about 15 hours in-game, doing good things, helping her and now she attacks me for "betraying" her. Fuck this shit I said to myself and stabbed her in the eye with a shiny dagger.

I stood there over her dead body as Xana got all excited and said she had been wanting that to happen for ages. I couldn't believe that this silly bint had done this when I had no intention of betraying her - after all the shite I had done for her. I picked up her lifeless corpse and took it with me down into the catacombs. I had to dump her body a few times to fend off the odd wizard or knight, but she came with me the entire way.

I eventually came across a fallen Paladin that wanted to be freed from his eternal agony. Hmmmm. This seems like a suitable place for the bi-atch. I dropped her on the ground next to a huge chasm. I then emptied my inventory of all the crap I had acquired on my journey on her and kicked it all off into the eternal pit. She bounced on rocks as she fell as her motionless arms flayed about. Useless pieces of junk from my inventory colliding with her and everything in it's path. It was beautiful. I smiled.

My journey to the dark side was almost complete. I found daddy and due to the complete idiot girl Leanna attempting to kill me for absolutely no reason, I freed him from his prison and become an evil prince with my faithful sexy succubus. My daddy went on a rampage and killed everyone.

The End.

...and that is the story of how one stupid woman turned me to the "dark side". Moral of the story: all women are evil, the evil evil ones are just more fun. I hope you enjoyed my tale of epicness.

Last edited 28 Apr 2015 at 10:05.

#2

Sounds like you had quite an eventful day there Jeg.

Last edited 29 Apr 2015 at 09:22.